YOU'RE ONLY FUNNY SOMETIMES.
I get tired of using my pitty laugh.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Happy Milk Day.
It sucks that my lactose intolerant friends cannot fight for civil liberties. They're so intolerant.
It's been months since my last post on here, but I feel like this is my only escape. Everyone is on all of the other social networking sites, so I can't write my anger, pain, frustration, or sadness without seeming like "woe is me" because no one will read this.
So here THIS IS. Away from many eyes.
I love my job, but I guess it's that or friends. Quite frankly, Disneyland will always be here. Friends come and go. If I could get over my pride, maybe I'd plan something with people from school, try and contact them, since no one ever thinks to do so for me. I'm hoping they just assume that I have work, which is why no one asks me. Uck. Sorry, Blogspot. This sounds so lame.
My apartment smells like poop.
The only person I see anymore is my roommate, Angela.
I am free all day.
I miss Drew. I wish I was with him now.
It's been months since my last post on here, but I feel like this is my only escape. Everyone is on all of the other social networking sites, so I can't write my anger, pain, frustration, or sadness without seeming like "woe is me" because no one will read this.
So here THIS IS. Away from many eyes.
I love my job, but I guess it's that or friends. Quite frankly, Disneyland will always be here. Friends come and go. If I could get over my pride, maybe I'd plan something with people from school, try and contact them, since no one ever thinks to do so for me. I'm hoping they just assume that I have work, which is why no one asks me. Uck. Sorry, Blogspot. This sounds so lame.
My apartment smells like poop.
The only person I see anymore is my roommate, Angela.
I am free all day.
I miss Drew. I wish I was with him now.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Hearts Like Candy
He rode in on a horse he stole from the last town he was in. He’s been here now for almost two years and the townsfolk seemed to have taken a liking to him immediately. Even I was rather fond of him at first, despite the stories I began to hear and despite the fact that his horse was undoubtedly stolen property.
He was good at his work and he helped others who worked alongside him. Pretty soon he moved up to a position where he lead the others, and everyone admired him, or so I thought.
Under his supervision and guidance, I learned many things. He was charming, funny, and above all else, a hard worker. At one point in time, I wanted to be like him, or the next best thing, his friend.
But if you investigate his wooden house surrounded by a giant fence, you will find many rooms and locked closets. You will also find that the large fence houses many horses he had stolen from previous towns. I wonder what he keeps in the closet. It shouldn’t matter, this was his past! He doesn’t steal horses now, not when he’s so well-liked by everyone above and below him! He wouldn’t have the position that he has today if he continued his thievery.
When I heard the first whisper, it most certainly wasn’t the last. I didn’t hear them enough though because they had no effect on me. I stopped peering over his fenced-in horses and I proceeded to work alongside him as often as possible.
I felt that he admired me too. He was always so helpful and kind. It was also quite refreshing to be complimented by him. I thought it meant something. It made me want to be in his presence outside of work! “What friends we could be,” I thought.
When the moment I had secretly longed for arrived, it brought chills down my body and a shakiness in my throat. He had asked me to accompany him home, so I could see his horses. The whispers then grew vines and wrapped themselves around me. He had to have seen them, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t show off stolen property, that just wouldn’t be wise! Therefore, the whispers must be false. I was going to see the real man behind these whispers, not anyone else.
After we worked, he picked me up in his elegant carriage, lead by a beautiful horse. He grabbed my hand to let me in and took notice of how I had fashioned my hair that day.
“You look really nice,” he softly spoke.
On the way to his wooden house, we conversed about our favorite things, our families, and work. He entertained me with jokes and I laughed. He twirled his finger in my hair while he talked about how lucky he is to have the job that he does.
When we arrived at his house, the neighbors all ran inside and peered behind their windows. The whispers seized me once more and I began to sweat. His horses sounded restless and I nearly screamed when he asked, “are you okay, little one?”
Silence. All at once, the neighbors blew out their candles and went to bed. The small town became smaller, and I felt alone.
He opened his door for me and I walked inside. It was decorated minimally, but the smell was quite alluring. I couldn’t tell what it was, but it made me relax. He sat me on a couch adjacent to a long, dark hallway and said, “excuse me for a moment, will you? I promise I will return shortly! I could never leave your side for too long.” And before I answered, he was swept off into the dark. I let my eyes adjust to the darker house and I looked around. I saw hung photos of himself and the people we work with. Everyone was smiling. No, wait. No one was smiling. The whispers, they were back. Only, this time, they were harsh. Almost like hisses. I couldn’t tell what they were saying! I looked frantically about until my eyes caught hold of all the doors in the dark hallway. Each one was locked save for one.
“I’ll just be another moment!” He shouted from a distance. “I apologize, I’ve got to clear a path to my backyard! So many documents and things in the way, I’d hate for a beautiful girl like you to ever get hurt!”
That gave me time to briskly walk to the unlocked door. This would be the answer to all the whispers, this would be their end. I grabbed the door knob and slowly turned. Inside was an even darker room, so I stared for a bit. When my eyes adjusted, I saw glass jars. Shelves and shelves of glass jars. In the center of the room there were a pile of saddles, hats, boots, and one empty glass jar atop it all. What were they all for? Were they all empty? I glanced again. No, they weren’t. The jars each had a picture inside and something else. I moved into the room, breathing heavily. All of the pictures were of women. They were all so beautiful. What was most strange is that I had recognized these women. I used to see them at work! I was right away reminded of whispers with their names in them. Yes, they all had gone to the next town for work! But why? And what else did these jars contain? I picked one up to examine it more closely when I heard a noise behind me. It was him.
“Do you hate me, little one? For what you’ve just seen?” He was right behind me in the doorway, holding a candle and a kinfe.
I dropped the jar and it shattered at my feet. The contents were then illuminated by the candle and I saw everything. The photo of a women and her heart.
The empty jar in the center of the room was for me. “Leave! Leave!” I heard the whispers loud and clear.
“Do you hate me? I’m so sorry you had to see this,” he said quietly and he sheathed his knife.
“No…I don’t hate you. I just don’t believe…”
“Please don’t tell anyone! I really want everyone to like me! I’d like to do great things at work! Don’t you see, this would ruin me and everything I’m working towards!” He walked towards me.
“Of course,” I swallowed my fear.
He put his hand on my cheek, “now, shall we see my horses? They’d love to meet a sweet girl like you.”
Seeing the magnificent creatures roam his backyard did not make me happy like I had imagined. He stole them. He stole them and moved to another town where he could steal more. And that’s not all. He stole girls’ hearts like they were candy and mine was on his list. Not a hint of remorse was on his face, nor was he aware of the whispers in the wind. And if he was aware, would he apologize? Would he apologize to all that he wronged? Would he give the women back their hearts and return the horses to their rightful owners? I suppose the only question on his mind, besides “who’s heart next,” was “what would become of me if people outed me”.
That jar was intended for me that night, but I left before it could be filled. I kept his secret just like everyone else though. A part of me wants to see his heart in a jar on a shelf. Another part of me wants to see justice; justice for those who endured loss and might be next. And a small part of me holds onto the notion that he might change, or that maybe, because I left unscathed, that I saw the real man.
My only strength lies in the whispers, and a lot of good they do.
He was good at his work and he helped others who worked alongside him. Pretty soon he moved up to a position where he lead the others, and everyone admired him, or so I thought.
Under his supervision and guidance, I learned many things. He was charming, funny, and above all else, a hard worker. At one point in time, I wanted to be like him, or the next best thing, his friend.
But if you investigate his wooden house surrounded by a giant fence, you will find many rooms and locked closets. You will also find that the large fence houses many horses he had stolen from previous towns. I wonder what he keeps in the closet. It shouldn’t matter, this was his past! He doesn’t steal horses now, not when he’s so well-liked by everyone above and below him! He wouldn’t have the position that he has today if he continued his thievery.
When I heard the first whisper, it most certainly wasn’t the last. I didn’t hear them enough though because they had no effect on me. I stopped peering over his fenced-in horses and I proceeded to work alongside him as often as possible.
I felt that he admired me too. He was always so helpful and kind. It was also quite refreshing to be complimented by him. I thought it meant something. It made me want to be in his presence outside of work! “What friends we could be,” I thought.
When the moment I had secretly longed for arrived, it brought chills down my body and a shakiness in my throat. He had asked me to accompany him home, so I could see his horses. The whispers then grew vines and wrapped themselves around me. He had to have seen them, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t show off stolen property, that just wouldn’t be wise! Therefore, the whispers must be false. I was going to see the real man behind these whispers, not anyone else.
After we worked, he picked me up in his elegant carriage, lead by a beautiful horse. He grabbed my hand to let me in and took notice of how I had fashioned my hair that day.
“You look really nice,” he softly spoke.
On the way to his wooden house, we conversed about our favorite things, our families, and work. He entertained me with jokes and I laughed. He twirled his finger in my hair while he talked about how lucky he is to have the job that he does.
When we arrived at his house, the neighbors all ran inside and peered behind their windows. The whispers seized me once more and I began to sweat. His horses sounded restless and I nearly screamed when he asked, “are you okay, little one?”
Silence. All at once, the neighbors blew out their candles and went to bed. The small town became smaller, and I felt alone.
He opened his door for me and I walked inside. It was decorated minimally, but the smell was quite alluring. I couldn’t tell what it was, but it made me relax. He sat me on a couch adjacent to a long, dark hallway and said, “excuse me for a moment, will you? I promise I will return shortly! I could never leave your side for too long.” And before I answered, he was swept off into the dark. I let my eyes adjust to the darker house and I looked around. I saw hung photos of himself and the people we work with. Everyone was smiling. No, wait. No one was smiling. The whispers, they were back. Only, this time, they were harsh. Almost like hisses. I couldn’t tell what they were saying! I looked frantically about until my eyes caught hold of all the doors in the dark hallway. Each one was locked save for one.
“I’ll just be another moment!” He shouted from a distance. “I apologize, I’ve got to clear a path to my backyard! So many documents and things in the way, I’d hate for a beautiful girl like you to ever get hurt!”
That gave me time to briskly walk to the unlocked door. This would be the answer to all the whispers, this would be their end. I grabbed the door knob and slowly turned. Inside was an even darker room, so I stared for a bit. When my eyes adjusted, I saw glass jars. Shelves and shelves of glass jars. In the center of the room there were a pile of saddles, hats, boots, and one empty glass jar atop it all. What were they all for? Were they all empty? I glanced again. No, they weren’t. The jars each had a picture inside and something else. I moved into the room, breathing heavily. All of the pictures were of women. They were all so beautiful. What was most strange is that I had recognized these women. I used to see them at work! I was right away reminded of whispers with their names in them. Yes, they all had gone to the next town for work! But why? And what else did these jars contain? I picked one up to examine it more closely when I heard a noise behind me. It was him.
“Do you hate me, little one? For what you’ve just seen?” He was right behind me in the doorway, holding a candle and a kinfe.
I dropped the jar and it shattered at my feet. The contents were then illuminated by the candle and I saw everything. The photo of a women and her heart.
The empty jar in the center of the room was for me. “Leave! Leave!” I heard the whispers loud and clear.
“Do you hate me? I’m so sorry you had to see this,” he said quietly and he sheathed his knife.
“No…I don’t hate you. I just don’t believe…”
“Please don’t tell anyone! I really want everyone to like me! I’d like to do great things at work! Don’t you see, this would ruin me and everything I’m working towards!” He walked towards me.
“Of course,” I swallowed my fear.
He put his hand on my cheek, “now, shall we see my horses? They’d love to meet a sweet girl like you.”
Seeing the magnificent creatures roam his backyard did not make me happy like I had imagined. He stole them. He stole them and moved to another town where he could steal more. And that’s not all. He stole girls’ hearts like they were candy and mine was on his list. Not a hint of remorse was on his face, nor was he aware of the whispers in the wind. And if he was aware, would he apologize? Would he apologize to all that he wronged? Would he give the women back their hearts and return the horses to their rightful owners? I suppose the only question on his mind, besides “who’s heart next,” was “what would become of me if people outed me”.
That jar was intended for me that night, but I left before it could be filled. I kept his secret just like everyone else though. A part of me wants to see his heart in a jar on a shelf. Another part of me wants to see justice; justice for those who endured loss and might be next. And a small part of me holds onto the notion that he might change, or that maybe, because I left unscathed, that I saw the real man.
My only strength lies in the whispers, and a lot of good they do.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
All The Love's About
Awhile back, a student was attacked in a Cal Sate Long Beach bathroom.
About a month ago, two girls were brutally beaten near the campus of Cal State Fullerton.
In the last 5 weeks, there have been a reported 8 suicides due to gender and homosexual bullying.
I have personally met the person who was attacked at Cal State Long Beach, who was attacked merely for being an intersex individual. He was on break from his class when a man in a hoodie shoved him into a stall and carved “IT” into his chest. The student did not know this man, nor did he do anything to deserve this hate crime. That is a dehuminizing act that will literally leave a scar.
The two girls who were beat up near Cal State Fullerton were beat up because they were “lesbian”. To make it more interesting, they weren’t lesbian. Because of these false assumptions and judgment, two innocent girls were beaten to a pulp.
These acts don’t just happen in places like the south or Midwest United States (where people are stereotyped to be small-minded), or in other countries where homosexuality is a crime. It happens here in Southern California. It’s everywhere.
1 in 4 homosexual or intersex individuals commit suicide due to harassment. There is an increase in alcohol and drug abuse amongst homosexual communities.
These numbers can decrease if people put on a “gendered lens”. The choices other people make are not for us to judge or discriminate against.
Last but not least, I’d like to encourage people to stop using “gay” with negative connotation behind it. There are plenty of other words I can supply you with if you’d like.
Live and Let Love.
About a month ago, two girls were brutally beaten near the campus of Cal State Fullerton.
In the last 5 weeks, there have been a reported 8 suicides due to gender and homosexual bullying.
I have personally met the person who was attacked at Cal State Long Beach, who was attacked merely for being an intersex individual. He was on break from his class when a man in a hoodie shoved him into a stall and carved “IT” into his chest. The student did not know this man, nor did he do anything to deserve this hate crime. That is a dehuminizing act that will literally leave a scar.
The two girls who were beat up near Cal State Fullerton were beat up because they were “lesbian”. To make it more interesting, they weren’t lesbian. Because of these false assumptions and judgment, two innocent girls were beaten to a pulp.
These acts don’t just happen in places like the south or Midwest United States (where people are stereotyped to be small-minded), or in other countries where homosexuality is a crime. It happens here in Southern California. It’s everywhere.
1 in 4 homosexual or intersex individuals commit suicide due to harassment. There is an increase in alcohol and drug abuse amongst homosexual communities.
These numbers can decrease if people put on a “gendered lens”. The choices other people make are not for us to judge or discriminate against.
Last but not least, I’d like to encourage people to stop using “gay” with negative connotation behind it. There are plenty of other words I can supply you with if you’d like.
Live and Let Love.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I'm in over my head.
How do I know it's right? Will I be happy? Is this the right size? There's no going back now, nor is there any way of doing this without hurting someone.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Forgive my Words...
But God dammit! OVER A MONTH AGO, I asked for 4 days off because I’m going to South Carolina for Drew’s graduation. The status of my request was to check back on the 19th.
What’s today? The 19th. I check the status and what does it say?
DENY.
WHAT THE FUCK? YOU’RE THE BIGGEST FUCKING COMPANY IN THE WORLD, FIND SOMEONE ELSE! I’M GOING TO SWITCH ANYWAY! AND IF I CAN’T SWITCH? I’M CALLING OFF SICK, BITCHES.
Give me the points, I don’t give a fuck. My plane tickets were purchased OVER A MONTH AGO.
Thanks a lot.
Whew. Sorry about all that!
What’s today? The 19th. I check the status and what does it say?
DENY.
WHAT THE FUCK? YOU’RE THE BIGGEST FUCKING COMPANY IN THE WORLD, FIND SOMEONE ELSE! I’M GOING TO SWITCH ANYWAY! AND IF I CAN’T SWITCH? I’M CALLING OFF SICK, BITCHES.
Give me the points, I don’t give a fuck. My plane tickets were purchased OVER A MONTH AGO.
Thanks a lot.
Whew. Sorry about all that!
I'm Irrational; Punch me in the Throat!
Right now I should either be sleepily driving home from work or I should be at work, yelling at the graduates of 2010.
Instead I'm at home, finding it difficult to sleep. Is this where I'm at now? Do I have to be exhausted from work in order to sleep? Does it have to be a ridiculous hour? I mean, it's 4 in the morning now. Is that not early enough?
I suppose not. I suppose every night I try to fall asleep, my mind will wander. My eyes will stare at the black. My arms and legs will flail to keep away my stupid cat. And then, there's this lump in my throat. And a hole in my chest.
I never knew what it meant to give away my heart until now. My heart is with a boy 3,000 miles away...I'm not whole. And that's the hole in my chest.
I wish my body would try and compensate! If I have a hole in my chest, can't I use that lump in my throat to temporarily plug it up? No?
He says things are going to get easier; I hope he's right. But if these past 3 months were tough, what will 9 months mean? A year?
In the midst of my not sleeping, I texted Drew's mom. I needed someone to talk to; someone that would understand (mind you, this was 3 AM). I was relieved to hear back from her right away, but I feel a little bad considering the time. She reminded me that we're going to see him soon and that he misses me too.
"Chin up," Drew and I say to each other. And that's all I can do. Keeping myself busy and working crazy hours won't cut it forever.
Instead I'm at home, finding it difficult to sleep. Is this where I'm at now? Do I have to be exhausted from work in order to sleep? Does it have to be a ridiculous hour? I mean, it's 4 in the morning now. Is that not early enough?
I suppose not. I suppose every night I try to fall asleep, my mind will wander. My eyes will stare at the black. My arms and legs will flail to keep away my stupid cat. And then, there's this lump in my throat. And a hole in my chest.
I never knew what it meant to give away my heart until now. My heart is with a boy 3,000 miles away...I'm not whole. And that's the hole in my chest.
I wish my body would try and compensate! If I have a hole in my chest, can't I use that lump in my throat to temporarily plug it up? No?
He says things are going to get easier; I hope he's right. But if these past 3 months were tough, what will 9 months mean? A year?
In the midst of my not sleeping, I texted Drew's mom. I needed someone to talk to; someone that would understand (mind you, this was 3 AM). I was relieved to hear back from her right away, but I feel a little bad considering the time. She reminded me that we're going to see him soon and that he misses me too.
"Chin up," Drew and I say to each other. And that's all I can do. Keeping myself busy and working crazy hours won't cut it forever.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Classy, Red-headed, British Lady GaGa.
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid24273272001?bclid=42820502001&bctid=84662933001
I want to be you, Florence W.
I want to be you, Florence W.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Forgive me while I wallow.
Off in the distance, my cat is licking her unmentionables. My mom is most likely feeding her fish on one of those Facebook applications. I'm sick, I'm bitter, and I'm missing someone dearly.
Good thing I have a new book. Books can't let you down.
Good thing I have a new book. Books can't let you down.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
ARGH!
Why won't my iTunes open!?
My bank account is in the negatives and I'm taking my mother out for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory tonight.
AND missing someone is exhausting.
I feel hollow.
Happy Mum's Day.
My bank account is in the negatives and I'm taking my mother out for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory tonight.
AND missing someone is exhausting.
I feel hollow.
Happy Mum's Day.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Plan B
Until recently, I've been "Plan B" girl. At least, that's what I feel. In case your relationship doesn't work out or you're tired of being single, I'll be right there, right? I'm the backup plan. Plan B.
Now I'm Plan A and it feels wonderful.
Now I'm Plan A and it feels wonderful.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Pastor Mike said this:
We either hang on to what we have until God gives us something new, or we have to let go of what we have and follow His calling.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Here's My Hand
If I were to see The Last Song a few months ago, I would have been insanely and bitterly critical of it, just like I was with other love stories written by Nicholas Sparks. I would laugh at the cheesy, unrealistic romance, and wonder about Nick’s sanity. However, in light of recent events, I find that I am now questioning my own sanity. Because of recent events, I find myself jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch, shouting at the top of my lungs. A few months ago, I’d probably vomit if I heard the things I’ve been saying lately. If someone told me that in a short time, I would fall completely in love with someone, I’d laugh at them. If someone said I’d find the abstract puzzle piece that fits with my complex heart, I’d tell them to lay of the drugs.
As I reflect on the recent occurrences that abruptly changed my stubborn frame of mind, I felt the need to write a story; my story. I want everyone to feel what I’m feeling. I want to try my hand at writing a romance novel like Nicholas Sparks. So I’ll start from the beginning and make this as detailed as I can because that vomit-feeling doesn’t last forever. It soon becomes this flying feeling.
To adequately describe the odd timing of it all, I have to delve into my past for a bit, bare with me. There are two past relationships that really stand out among the rest. I have the longest-one-to-date relationship, and the one that broke me. My longest relationship, a year of my life, took place when I was sixteen. It was the first time a boy I really liked, liked me back. My next relationship ended messy. After that break up, and after waiting for him turned out to be a waste of time, I vowed to myself that I was not suited for a relationship. I became perfectly content with being alone. I answered to no one but myself. I went on a few awkward dates and had a crush or two, but I pursued nothing. I didn’t want to! I reverted to my “shave-my-head-and-join-the-Peace-Corps” mentality, and I was perfectly fine with that. I took the time to focus on work and school and not stupid, impulsive boys.
Months prior, a Drew Craw added me on Facebook. He’s an attractive fellow hailing from Redlands, California and I had no idea who he was. We had several mutual friends and the majority of them attended my church, so I figured that I knew him. Thinking nothing of it, I confirmed him as a friend and went on with my dramatic, loveless life. I feel like at this time I was still trying to convince my ex we were right for each other. Or I was starting my anti-relationship phase. Either way, I was in no mood for other boys.
Months later, while I was enjoying my independence, I saw that the mysterious Drew had quoted Lord of the Rings on his Facebook status. Being the fanatic I am, I had to “like” it, or finish the quote, or talk about how much I loved Lord of the Rings. I did. Quite sometime later, maybe a few weeks later, he wrote on my wall: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee, have you been eavesdropping?!
To which I responded: No sir, I ain’t been dropping no eaves sir, honest!
Please make note that he called me Samwise Gamgee (my most beloved literary character ever). After that, we both gushed about Lord of the Rings on each others’ walls and I was excited to have someone appreciate it as much as I do. After numerous wall posts, our communication front changed to messages. And our conversation topic changed from Lord of the Rings to personal information; school, major, work, etc. I found out that had had joined the army and he found out that I work at Disneyland. He seemed excited that I worked there, so I nicely said, “Let me know if you ever want to go and I’ll let you in,” since it had been years since he’d last gone. He responded with, “Are you inviting me to go to Disneyland with you?” Now, on the inside, I was saying, “No, that would be awkward, we’ve never officially met. Don’t hang out with him, Katie. You don’t need this,” and the like. To be polite, I said something like, “Yeah, or you know, if you want to go with your friends, I can just let you in…” He sweetly replied with, “Why wouldn’t I want to go to Disneyland with you?” That might have been the first hook.
At this point, he and I were texting back and forth constantly and he eventually asked, “Hey, so when are we going to Disneyland?!” I, thinking he was kidding, shot “Friday, April 2nd” out of my ass to be funny as well. Turns out, he wasn’t kidding and final plans were made. Drew and I were going to have our first official meeting at Disneyland. He called me for the first time to thank me and I legitimately freaked out (that’s another story). The week of our official meeting, I was getting excited! I felt the need to plan every little thing: my hair, my outfit, my makeup, funny jokes, and conversation topics. Why did I care so much? Why was I really looking forward to hanging out with him? I felt a little more mentally sound when he told me that he was excited as well. He was counting down the days, and repeatedly told me how stoked he was to get to go to Disneyland and finally meet me.
Friday, April 2nd came and I remember it all so well. He pulled up to my dorm in a silver Ford and I climbed in. This tall, tan boy with bright green eyes grabbed my hand and introduced himself.
“Hi, I’m Drew.”
He was wearing a sweet leather jacket, a Beatles shirt, jeans, and cowboy boots. He looked so cool. Unnecessary side note: My friend Nick refers to Drew as “Mr. Urban Outfitters”.
From the moment I got into his dad’s truck to our goodbye, we talked. We talked about everything; we shared many likes and hobbies, and made fun of the things we don’t like. Bonus fact: Drew likes Miley Cyrus.
Several times throughout the day, our hands would accidentally hit; that’s how close we stood next to each other.
While watching the fireworks, I went to point at something, but my ring flew off and landed in the pond of Pixie Hollow. I was hoping he didn’t notice because that was super embarrassing, but he saw. He reached his arm through the gate to retrieve it, but he couldn’t reach. He offered to go over the fence and get it, but I refused to have him hop into the “Fairy Connection” pond as he mistakenly called it. Not listening to a word I said, he hopped over, grabbed my ring, and then nonchalantly climbed back over. “That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me,” I thought.
Then it was time to leave the magical land of Disney, and we caught the Toy Story bus back to the parking lots. When our stop at Buzz came around, Drew and I forgot to get off and the old bus driver started taking us back to the park. Before we could even say anything, the man began singing “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis quite loudly. He didn’t realize Drew and I were in there until we laughed at our ridiculous circumstance.
Once we finally disembarked the Toy Story bus and left the old man to his one-act Broadway musical, we made the journey to his truck. And when we arrived, Drew gave me a blanket to warm me up and held my hand. After our amazing day at Disneyland, we went to get breakfast at IHOP. When we finished our meals (I got eggs, bacon, and hash browns; Drew ordered the New York cheesecake pancakes), he grabbed my hand and said, “When am I going to see you again?” My heart leapt.
He saw me again on Saturday at his Deployment party. I met his family and friends, and even reconnected with some mutual friends we have. At the end of the night (early morning actually), everyone left and Drew and I went to IHOP yet again. And yet again, he asked, “When am I going to see you next?” This time I had no idea, since my work and school schedule was so insanely compacted. But I promised him I would make time since he would be leaving next weekend for basic. Before I left, he gave me his jacket to keep.
The next day, I had plans to visit with a friend (and ex). Since it was near home, I also made plans to see Drew afterward. This casual meeting with my ex turned into a big to-do when he said he was still in love with me (again) and I told him I was starting to have feelings for Drew. I ended up in tears and convinced that I was supposed to be single. I left my ex in Riverside and made my way to downtown Redlands where I was supposed to meet Drew. As soon as he greeted me, he took my hand and we began walking. I told him about my day and very quickly it all disappeared. It was just Drew and I, walking around downtown Redlands in the rain. We sat on a bench and he wrapped us in “our” blanket previously located in his truck. That night, he told me that he liked me, but he really didn’t have to. Our connection was so natural that nothing was awkward or forced. We laughed about the odd timing of it all and how we’d both met someone for us, but he had to leave soon. I also had to laugh that he completely changed my mind about, boys, relationships, and ultimately love.
We saw each other a week later for a big beach trip his friends had planned. It was too cold to go swimming, but we all played outlandish games and enjoyed a bonfire. Later that night (or early that morning), I had to be at the twenty-four hour Relay for Life on my campus. Drew said he’d do it with me, so when our beach day had come to a conclusion, we made our way to Fullerton. We agreed to sleep a little before running since we were both exhausted. That didn’t happen. We talked. We talked, and then shared our first kiss. That too felt natural and wasn’t awkward at all. “I feel like I just flew to Jupiter and back,” he said.
“That’s weird. I went to Pluto. So...”
Ultimately, we missed the opportunity to go to the relay, so we just got ready and went to his church.
He visited me in Fullerton spontaneously the next evening (Monday).
Wednesday night. I’m on duty and I was in a murder mystery. At the murder mystery, a tarot card reader came. For funsies, I sat at her table and listened to her words. She asked, “Are you in a relationship?”
“I’m in a…something.”
“Okay, well you need to hang on to that. It’s very positive, and I see a lot of love and support.”
That secretly added more “pep to my step” as Jenna Lowery says. The pep, however, was soon harpooned when I received a phone call. It was from a mutual friend of mine and Drew’s, who happens to be an ex-fling-thingy of his. She was with Drew’s most recent ex and they called to warn me about him. They called to tell me he’s a player, a cheater, and that he has a sly way with words. Even though I refused to believe this before I talked to Drew, I cried. I mean, if what they were saying was true, then I was falling for the wrong guy. “That’d be just my luck,” I thought. At that very moment, he texted me: What are you up to?
I responded with a simple, “Drew…”
“Yes?”
“Are you an honest panda?”
“Yes. Why???”
“I’ll take your word for it.” And I meant it.
“Katie, what’s going on???”
“We’re seeing each other tomorrow; we can talk about it then? Or I can call?”
He called immediately after I texted that. I vaguely explained to him that I heard some things about him that I didn’t want lingering in the back of my mind. He began panicking and told me he’d be coming down to Fullerton so we could talk. He drove all the way (again) from Redlands to Fullerton. I explained what had happened in a little more detail and he told me his side of the story. Like I said to him before, I took his word for it. He was astonished by my trust and acceptance. He cried and told me that he was afraid he was going to lose me that night; he wasn’t sure if I’d believe him. That night our bond grew deeper. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes.
Wait, what? I said yes to be someone’s girlfriend? I didn’t want to be anyone’s anything not four weeks ago. This change came hard and fast, but it felt right. Our every interaction was kind of creepy in a sense. It’s like he could recite my intangible “what I need/want in a significant other” list or read my mind. This still floors me.
We saw each other again Thursday night. That night we were lying down and talking when the girl above me turned on “Wonderwall” by Oasis.
“Katie, I need to tell you something…” He leaned into my ear for what felt like a minute, took a deep breath, and said, “…I love you.” He then explained that on his way to Fullerton, he was rather upset. He had more encounters that day with people talking behind his back regarding his relationships. While driving with a heavy heart, “Wonderwall” came on. He said he thought of me when they sang, “Maybe you’re gonna be the one to save me” and nothing else seemed to matter. So when “Wonderwall” played loudly right above us, he took that as a sign; just another insane connection between the two of us. I said it back.
Saturday, the day before he had to leave for basic in South Carolina, I came to his house to help him pack. He could pack few things, but he did take his bible, and on the inside, he taped my picture. Side note: he took another picture of me and will be putting that in his helmet. Aw.
I also took him home to meet my mam (yes, mam; not mom). Unfortunately I had work so I had to leave, but we made plans to eat at IHOP afterward (1:15AM, mind you).
Sunday morning, he returned home early to finish packing and I met him later for a final lunch with him, his family, and his friends. Drew couldn’t stay for long since he still had to finish packing, so we left for his house to do so. Then when it was time for him to leave, we said our first of many goodbyes. Similar to the many endings in the Return of the King movie, we had several goodbyes. He texted and called a few times since then for as long as he could. He even contacted me when he couldn’t anymore. I hope he doesn’t get in trouble.
Now he’s at boot camp in South Carolina and will be there for nine weeks. He’s flying me out for his graduation, so that is when I’ll get to see him again. After that he has advanced individual training in Alabama, and that’s going to be about nine months long. Luckily, he gets to come home for Christmas though. In this time, he won’t have his cell phone or a laptop, so we have to resort to writing letters. I made it a goal of mine to become an excellent scrapbook creator by the end of it all.
I understand that this all sounds so crazy and that it doesn’t make any sense, but there it is. It’s nuts how one month can change everything. It’s nuts how fast and hard I fell for him. It’s nuts that he feels the same way. It’s nuts that he’s going to be gone for so long when we had so little time together. It’s absolutely mental how many connections we were able to make. It’s insane how natural and right it feels to be with him. I’ve never felt this way before. That has to mean something. I’m confident in this thing that doesn’t make sense.
You can call me stupid or wrong, but I know how I feel. The “unrealistic” love stories of Nicholas Sparks aren’t unrealistic to me anymore. I’m in love.
As I reflect on the recent occurrences that abruptly changed my stubborn frame of mind, I felt the need to write a story; my story. I want everyone to feel what I’m feeling. I want to try my hand at writing a romance novel like Nicholas Sparks. So I’ll start from the beginning and make this as detailed as I can because that vomit-feeling doesn’t last forever. It soon becomes this flying feeling.
To adequately describe the odd timing of it all, I have to delve into my past for a bit, bare with me. There are two past relationships that really stand out among the rest. I have the longest-one-to-date relationship, and the one that broke me. My longest relationship, a year of my life, took place when I was sixteen. It was the first time a boy I really liked, liked me back. My next relationship ended messy. After that break up, and after waiting for him turned out to be a waste of time, I vowed to myself that I was not suited for a relationship. I became perfectly content with being alone. I answered to no one but myself. I went on a few awkward dates and had a crush or two, but I pursued nothing. I didn’t want to! I reverted to my “shave-my-head-and-join-the-Peace-Corps” mentality, and I was perfectly fine with that. I took the time to focus on work and school and not stupid, impulsive boys.
Months prior, a Drew Craw added me on Facebook. He’s an attractive fellow hailing from Redlands, California and I had no idea who he was. We had several mutual friends and the majority of them attended my church, so I figured that I knew him. Thinking nothing of it, I confirmed him as a friend and went on with my dramatic, loveless life. I feel like at this time I was still trying to convince my ex we were right for each other. Or I was starting my anti-relationship phase. Either way, I was in no mood for other boys.
Months later, while I was enjoying my independence, I saw that the mysterious Drew had quoted Lord of the Rings on his Facebook status. Being the fanatic I am, I had to “like” it, or finish the quote, or talk about how much I loved Lord of the Rings. I did. Quite sometime later, maybe a few weeks later, he wrote on my wall: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee, have you been eavesdropping?!
To which I responded: No sir, I ain’t been dropping no eaves sir, honest!
Please make note that he called me Samwise Gamgee (my most beloved literary character ever). After that, we both gushed about Lord of the Rings on each others’ walls and I was excited to have someone appreciate it as much as I do. After numerous wall posts, our communication front changed to messages. And our conversation topic changed from Lord of the Rings to personal information; school, major, work, etc. I found out that had had joined the army and he found out that I work at Disneyland. He seemed excited that I worked there, so I nicely said, “Let me know if you ever want to go and I’ll let you in,” since it had been years since he’d last gone. He responded with, “Are you inviting me to go to Disneyland with you?” Now, on the inside, I was saying, “No, that would be awkward, we’ve never officially met. Don’t hang out with him, Katie. You don’t need this,” and the like. To be polite, I said something like, “Yeah, or you know, if you want to go with your friends, I can just let you in…” He sweetly replied with, “Why wouldn’t I want to go to Disneyland with you?” That might have been the first hook.
At this point, he and I were texting back and forth constantly and he eventually asked, “Hey, so when are we going to Disneyland?!” I, thinking he was kidding, shot “Friday, April 2nd” out of my ass to be funny as well. Turns out, he wasn’t kidding and final plans were made. Drew and I were going to have our first official meeting at Disneyland. He called me for the first time to thank me and I legitimately freaked out (that’s another story). The week of our official meeting, I was getting excited! I felt the need to plan every little thing: my hair, my outfit, my makeup, funny jokes, and conversation topics. Why did I care so much? Why was I really looking forward to hanging out with him? I felt a little more mentally sound when he told me that he was excited as well. He was counting down the days, and repeatedly told me how stoked he was to get to go to Disneyland and finally meet me.
Friday, April 2nd came and I remember it all so well. He pulled up to my dorm in a silver Ford and I climbed in. This tall, tan boy with bright green eyes grabbed my hand and introduced himself.
“Hi, I’m Drew.”
He was wearing a sweet leather jacket, a Beatles shirt, jeans, and cowboy boots. He looked so cool. Unnecessary side note: My friend Nick refers to Drew as “Mr. Urban Outfitters”.
From the moment I got into his dad’s truck to our goodbye, we talked. We talked about everything; we shared many likes and hobbies, and made fun of the things we don’t like. Bonus fact: Drew likes Miley Cyrus.
Several times throughout the day, our hands would accidentally hit; that’s how close we stood next to each other.
While watching the fireworks, I went to point at something, but my ring flew off and landed in the pond of Pixie Hollow. I was hoping he didn’t notice because that was super embarrassing, but he saw. He reached his arm through the gate to retrieve it, but he couldn’t reach. He offered to go over the fence and get it, but I refused to have him hop into the “Fairy Connection” pond as he mistakenly called it. Not listening to a word I said, he hopped over, grabbed my ring, and then nonchalantly climbed back over. “That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me,” I thought.
Then it was time to leave the magical land of Disney, and we caught the Toy Story bus back to the parking lots. When our stop at Buzz came around, Drew and I forgot to get off and the old bus driver started taking us back to the park. Before we could even say anything, the man began singing “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis quite loudly. He didn’t realize Drew and I were in there until we laughed at our ridiculous circumstance.
Once we finally disembarked the Toy Story bus and left the old man to his one-act Broadway musical, we made the journey to his truck. And when we arrived, Drew gave me a blanket to warm me up and held my hand. After our amazing day at Disneyland, we went to get breakfast at IHOP. When we finished our meals (I got eggs, bacon, and hash browns; Drew ordered the New York cheesecake pancakes), he grabbed my hand and said, “When am I going to see you again?” My heart leapt.
He saw me again on Saturday at his Deployment party. I met his family and friends, and even reconnected with some mutual friends we have. At the end of the night (early morning actually), everyone left and Drew and I went to IHOP yet again. And yet again, he asked, “When am I going to see you next?” This time I had no idea, since my work and school schedule was so insanely compacted. But I promised him I would make time since he would be leaving next weekend for basic. Before I left, he gave me his jacket to keep.
The next day, I had plans to visit with a friend (and ex). Since it was near home, I also made plans to see Drew afterward. This casual meeting with my ex turned into a big to-do when he said he was still in love with me (again) and I told him I was starting to have feelings for Drew. I ended up in tears and convinced that I was supposed to be single. I left my ex in Riverside and made my way to downtown Redlands where I was supposed to meet Drew. As soon as he greeted me, he took my hand and we began walking. I told him about my day and very quickly it all disappeared. It was just Drew and I, walking around downtown Redlands in the rain. We sat on a bench and he wrapped us in “our” blanket previously located in his truck. That night, he told me that he liked me, but he really didn’t have to. Our connection was so natural that nothing was awkward or forced. We laughed about the odd timing of it all and how we’d both met someone for us, but he had to leave soon. I also had to laugh that he completely changed my mind about, boys, relationships, and ultimately love.
We saw each other a week later for a big beach trip his friends had planned. It was too cold to go swimming, but we all played outlandish games and enjoyed a bonfire. Later that night (or early that morning), I had to be at the twenty-four hour Relay for Life on my campus. Drew said he’d do it with me, so when our beach day had come to a conclusion, we made our way to Fullerton. We agreed to sleep a little before running since we were both exhausted. That didn’t happen. We talked. We talked, and then shared our first kiss. That too felt natural and wasn’t awkward at all. “I feel like I just flew to Jupiter and back,” he said.
“That’s weird. I went to Pluto. So...”
Ultimately, we missed the opportunity to go to the relay, so we just got ready and went to his church.
He visited me in Fullerton spontaneously the next evening (Monday).
Wednesday night. I’m on duty and I was in a murder mystery. At the murder mystery, a tarot card reader came. For funsies, I sat at her table and listened to her words. She asked, “Are you in a relationship?”
“I’m in a…something.”
“Okay, well you need to hang on to that. It’s very positive, and I see a lot of love and support.”
That secretly added more “pep to my step” as Jenna Lowery says. The pep, however, was soon harpooned when I received a phone call. It was from a mutual friend of mine and Drew’s, who happens to be an ex-fling-thingy of his. She was with Drew’s most recent ex and they called to warn me about him. They called to tell me he’s a player, a cheater, and that he has a sly way with words. Even though I refused to believe this before I talked to Drew, I cried. I mean, if what they were saying was true, then I was falling for the wrong guy. “That’d be just my luck,” I thought. At that very moment, he texted me: What are you up to?
I responded with a simple, “Drew…”
“Yes?”
“Are you an honest panda?”
“Yes. Why???”
“I’ll take your word for it.” And I meant it.
“Katie, what’s going on???”
“We’re seeing each other tomorrow; we can talk about it then? Or I can call?”
He called immediately after I texted that. I vaguely explained to him that I heard some things about him that I didn’t want lingering in the back of my mind. He began panicking and told me he’d be coming down to Fullerton so we could talk. He drove all the way (again) from Redlands to Fullerton. I explained what had happened in a little more detail and he told me his side of the story. Like I said to him before, I took his word for it. He was astonished by my trust and acceptance. He cried and told me that he was afraid he was going to lose me that night; he wasn’t sure if I’d believe him. That night our bond grew deeper. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes.
Wait, what? I said yes to be someone’s girlfriend? I didn’t want to be anyone’s anything not four weeks ago. This change came hard and fast, but it felt right. Our every interaction was kind of creepy in a sense. It’s like he could recite my intangible “what I need/want in a significant other” list or read my mind. This still floors me.
We saw each other again Thursday night. That night we were lying down and talking when the girl above me turned on “Wonderwall” by Oasis.
“Katie, I need to tell you something…” He leaned into my ear for what felt like a minute, took a deep breath, and said, “…I love you.” He then explained that on his way to Fullerton, he was rather upset. He had more encounters that day with people talking behind his back regarding his relationships. While driving with a heavy heart, “Wonderwall” came on. He said he thought of me when they sang, “Maybe you’re gonna be the one to save me” and nothing else seemed to matter. So when “Wonderwall” played loudly right above us, he took that as a sign; just another insane connection between the two of us. I said it back.
Saturday, the day before he had to leave for basic in South Carolina, I came to his house to help him pack. He could pack few things, but he did take his bible, and on the inside, he taped my picture. Side note: he took another picture of me and will be putting that in his helmet. Aw.
I also took him home to meet my mam (yes, mam; not mom). Unfortunately I had work so I had to leave, but we made plans to eat at IHOP afterward (1:15AM, mind you).
Sunday morning, he returned home early to finish packing and I met him later for a final lunch with him, his family, and his friends. Drew couldn’t stay for long since he still had to finish packing, so we left for his house to do so. Then when it was time for him to leave, we said our first of many goodbyes. Similar to the many endings in the Return of the King movie, we had several goodbyes. He texted and called a few times since then for as long as he could. He even contacted me when he couldn’t anymore. I hope he doesn’t get in trouble.
Now he’s at boot camp in South Carolina and will be there for nine weeks. He’s flying me out for his graduation, so that is when I’ll get to see him again. After that he has advanced individual training in Alabama, and that’s going to be about nine months long. Luckily, he gets to come home for Christmas though. In this time, he won’t have his cell phone or a laptop, so we have to resort to writing letters. I made it a goal of mine to become an excellent scrapbook creator by the end of it all.
I understand that this all sounds so crazy and that it doesn’t make any sense, but there it is. It’s nuts how one month can change everything. It’s nuts how fast and hard I fell for him. It’s nuts that he feels the same way. It’s nuts that he’s going to be gone for so long when we had so little time together. It’s absolutely mental how many connections we were able to make. It’s insane how natural and right it feels to be with him. I’ve never felt this way before. That has to mean something. I’m confident in this thing that doesn’t make sense.
You can call me stupid or wrong, but I know how I feel. The “unrealistic” love stories of Nicholas Sparks aren’t unrealistic to me anymore. I’m in love.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The Countdown
April 2nd, the day we first met.
April 3rd, your deployment party.
April 4th, you comfort me and keep me warm on an emotional and rainy night.
April 11th, beach day and Guppy House
April 12th, Guppy House, my place, church
April 13th, you spontaneously visit me
These are the six days that changed everything. These are the six days that brought me back to faith. These are six very enjoyable days I wish I could relive over and over. In these six days, I fell hard, and continue to fall.
And I have five days left with you in this state. We will hang out twice in these five days.
April 3rd, your deployment party.
April 4th, you comfort me and keep me warm on an emotional and rainy night.
April 11th, beach day and Guppy House
April 12th, Guppy House, my place, church
April 13th, you spontaneously visit me
These are the six days that changed everything. These are the six days that brought me back to faith. These are six very enjoyable days I wish I could relive over and over. In these six days, I fell hard, and continue to fall.
And I have five days left with you in this state. We will hang out twice in these five days.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Wait for the 19th.
I'll be posting on here again.
For now, you can find me at http://thelessmysterious.tumblr.com/
For now, you can find me at http://thelessmysterious.tumblr.com/
Thursday, April 1, 2010
April Fools!
Man, my roommates really got me. Leaving dishes with rotting food in the sink and filling up the trash can with the smelliest shit possible without a trash bag? Genius.
So, now that I've realized that it was an April Fools prank, and a great one at that, you can come clean it now.
No? Oh, you mean you live like this at home?
So, now that I've realized that it was an April Fools prank, and a great one at that, you can come clean it now.
No? Oh, you mean you live like this at home?
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