It's been such a long time since I've poured words on to this site. I'm excited to be doing so again! I could say that I've been too busy to write, but the truth of the matter is that I've been too lost. I've been lost for quite some time now.
I've always taken pride in the fact that I'm different from everyone else. I would also brag to myself about how genuine I was as well. A wake-up call, however, told me otherwise. I wasn't being genuine to myself. While I've been trying to keep people from putting me in a box, I was blind to the fact that I was actually doing that to myself, and have been for years. I have been skating through, hoping that things would just fall into place. But that's not going to cut it. My life can be anything I want it to be; it's all my choosing. I have no excuse for not using my full potential. I know that I have so many options, but I can never obtain any of them by sitting. No longer will my options be lessened by what my mind tells me.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
...Your playing small does not serve the world." -Nelson Mandela
No longer will I play small. I can do, say, be anything I want, as long as it is not contrary to the good of mankind, and it is for the glory of God the creator.
Now that I am more self-aware, I can be more aware of what I have to offer this planet in its time of need.
More to come as I explore new jobs, spirituality, and serving humans...
In liberation,
Katie
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Untitled.
You taught me a lot about what love is and isn't.
Love is empathy.
Love is listening.
Love is honesty.
Love is friendship.
Love is really talking.
Love isn't fleeting.
Love isn't felt when convenient for you.
Love isn't the word.
Love isn't easy.
Love isn't you.
There we go, an even ten.
...Bitch.
Love is empathy.
Love is listening.
Love is honesty.
Love is friendship.
Love is really talking.
Love isn't fleeting.
Love isn't felt when convenient for you.
Love isn't the word.
Love isn't easy.
Love isn't you.
There we go, an even ten.
...Bitch.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Yesterday's and Today's...
The pressure is building and it's making me week; hence my sick body. I'm behind in school and I'm drowning. I need sleep. I need a doctor. I need to finish my work. I need a friend. I need help.
_____
On Friday, a resident complained about a dead bird in the laundry room. I went to clear it out, but it was still alive...barely. I cut off the strings and hairs that wrapped his (?) injured body and took him outside to die. When I realized that he wasn't going to die within the next few minutes, I placed him on a paper towel in a box lid and brought him to the RA office. Ralphie lay twitching the entire three hours I was in there. After my shift, a friend and I placed him on the roof of a bike shack because rules say that I cannot have him in my room. I thought for sure his end would come soon.
Around 2am I checked on little Ralph, who was still alive. Since it was cold, I broke the rules and brought him back to my warm dorm. There, his little body gave in to the 8-hour fight. My friend, Matt and I held a service for the resilient bird.
_____
Sunday was my sister's bachelorette party. I woke up feeling sick and was stressed because I needed to plan my program for Monday but I sucked it up and went to the Angels game. The game was fun; it took my mind off things and we won! Side note: I didn't know that Mike's Hard Lemonade was more alcohol than beer and I definitely had two...
After that the seven of us proceeded to ESPN Zone in Downtown Disney. The food was good and the service excellent (with the exception of boring ol' Dennis). It was at the restaurant that the "Bachelorette Dare Cards" cards were passed out. I had to dance with someone younger than me and get a guy to give me a piggyback ride. DONE.
Afterwards, we wandered Downtown Disney and I bought me a Minnie Chocolate Caramel Apple, which I enjoyed at a bar.
I experienced new things left and right. My sister tried to hook me up with several men, I danced to Brother Yusef, and hung out with 23 year-olds.
Towards the end of the night the sickness took me and I had to still plan my program. Back to shitty square one.
_____
Monday started off similar to Sunday's ending. I woke up stressed; I vomited my breakfast, and then made my way to class, only thinking about all the work I had to accomplish. Thank God for Jenna.
I once had this friend that I called all the time, but things have changed. He doesn't answer my calls, he never responds to texts, and he doesn't call back. When does he call? When he has girl problems or wants to share how funny he is. I guess I'm a "when convenient" friend to him.
I let it out with the intentions of getting how I felt off my chest, only to build more pressure. He's angry and I'm angrier. I don't need his friendship, I guess. I mean, I've been doing without it for quite some time now.
_____
Here I am now.
_____
On Friday, a resident complained about a dead bird in the laundry room. I went to clear it out, but it was still alive...barely. I cut off the strings and hairs that wrapped his (?) injured body and took him outside to die. When I realized that he wasn't going to die within the next few minutes, I placed him on a paper towel in a box lid and brought him to the RA office. Ralphie lay twitching the entire three hours I was in there. After my shift, a friend and I placed him on the roof of a bike shack because rules say that I cannot have him in my room. I thought for sure his end would come soon.
Around 2am I checked on little Ralph, who was still alive. Since it was cold, I broke the rules and brought him back to my warm dorm. There, his little body gave in to the 8-hour fight. My friend, Matt and I held a service for the resilient bird.
_____
Sunday was my sister's bachelorette party. I woke up feeling sick and was stressed because I needed to plan my program for Monday but I sucked it up and went to the Angels game. The game was fun; it took my mind off things and we won! Side note: I didn't know that Mike's Hard Lemonade was more alcohol than beer and I definitely had two...
After that the seven of us proceeded to ESPN Zone in Downtown Disney. The food was good and the service excellent (with the exception of boring ol' Dennis). It was at the restaurant that the "Bachelorette Dare Cards" cards were passed out. I had to dance with someone younger than me and get a guy to give me a piggyback ride. DONE.
Afterwards, we wandered Downtown Disney and I bought me a Minnie Chocolate Caramel Apple, which I enjoyed at a bar.
I experienced new things left and right. My sister tried to hook me up with several men, I danced to Brother Yusef, and hung out with 23 year-olds.
Towards the end of the night the sickness took me and I had to still plan my program. Back to shitty square one.
_____
Monday started off similar to Sunday's ending. I woke up stressed; I vomited my breakfast, and then made my way to class, only thinking about all the work I had to accomplish. Thank God for Jenna.
I once had this friend that I called all the time, but things have changed. He doesn't answer my calls, he never responds to texts, and he doesn't call back. When does he call? When he has girl problems or wants to share how funny he is. I guess I'm a "when convenient" friend to him.
I let it out with the intentions of getting how I felt off my chest, only to build more pressure. He's angry and I'm angrier. I don't need his friendship, I guess. I mean, I've been doing without it for quite some time now.
_____
Here I am now.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Flashcrap.
Scene: 2008. Country Club parking lot. Around 11:00pm.
Boy and girl have exited the quiet, serene country club. Boy grabs girl around waist, lifts her up, and twirls her around. After he puts her down, he walks to the middle of the parking lot and shouts, "I LOVE KATIE EGAN," into the dark woods. The tops of the trees capture the sound, but hopefully every house within a one-mile radius heard this declaration.
That movie moment, out of nowhere, flashed through my head. Made me dangerously nostalgic. My movie moments quickly turned into a soap opera.
Scene: 2008. Post-breakup. Boy and girl talk and are still "in love". Girl is at work and boy texts her sometime between 7:00 and 10:00pm.
The text said something about boy kissing someone, even though he had told girl he still liked her.
Next, girl easily forgives boy, despite her heartbreak.
Scene: 2008. Boy texts girl while she's at home (getting ready to meet boy) sometime in the afternoon.
The text read: I'm in a relationship with this girl...it just happened.
Yet again, girl is broken-hearted.
Yet again, girl forgives, but she is weary of their friendship.
Friendship works! Except not. Boy is unreliable and only talks to girl when he has other girl problems.
It's funny how things can change so quickly.
Go, girl. Get back on your feet.
She did.
Boy and girl have exited the quiet, serene country club. Boy grabs girl around waist, lifts her up, and twirls her around. After he puts her down, he walks to the middle of the parking lot and shouts, "I LOVE KATIE EGAN," into the dark woods. The tops of the trees capture the sound, but hopefully every house within a one-mile radius heard this declaration.
That movie moment, out of nowhere, flashed through my head. Made me dangerously nostalgic. My movie moments quickly turned into a soap opera.
Scene: 2008. Post-breakup. Boy and girl talk and are still "in love". Girl is at work and boy texts her sometime between 7:00 and 10:00pm.
The text said something about boy kissing someone, even though he had told girl he still liked her.
Next, girl easily forgives boy, despite her heartbreak.
Scene: 2008. Boy texts girl while she's at home (getting ready to meet boy) sometime in the afternoon.
The text read: I'm in a relationship with this girl...it just happened.
Yet again, girl is broken-hearted.
Yet again, girl forgives, but she is weary of their friendship.
Friendship works! Except not. Boy is unreliable and only talks to girl when he has other girl problems.
It's funny how things can change so quickly.
Go, girl. Get back on your feet.
She did.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Keep on Keepin' on.
During the second meeting of my Human Services class (one of my major courses), it struck me that I was on the right track in order to obtain a Katie-approved career. I felt more sure than I have ever felt before. And that was just the cherry on top of my already wonderful day. Ya know, one of those days where EVERYONE smiles at you?
"This is the major for me and I'm going to change things," ran through my head all day long. That, and "Make it Mine" by Jason Mraz.
Now, I am constantly reminded of the fact that my stunna shades and/or my driving glasses are tinted more rosy than most, and because of that, the world will not bring me down. The thing is, where I thought I'd run into more super glass-half-full folks, I didn't. The third meeting of my Human Services class was not as inspiring as the others, to say the least.
We began by talking about hope. To hope. My favorite infinitive. Hope. My favorite noun (besides "love" of course).
Then my professor asked a series of questions, "Can you change or help a murderer? Can you change a drug addict? Can you change a pedophile?"
To which I loudly responded, "Yes." Immediately I looked around at all the "No's". That was the rest of the class.
WHAT!? HELLO!? HUMAN SERVICES, THAT FIELD YOU'RE GOING TO ONE DAY BE WORKING IN? THE FIELD WHERE OUR VERY JOB IS TO HELP!
If you don't believe in change, how can you progress? If you can't see the better in a person, how can you help them? What's the point?
I didn't let this keep me down for too long. In fact, I realized that this hope I have is so valuable, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
"This is the major for me and I'm going to change things," ran through my head all day long. That, and "Make it Mine" by Jason Mraz.
Now, I am constantly reminded of the fact that my stunna shades and/or my driving glasses are tinted more rosy than most, and because of that, the world will not bring me down. The thing is, where I thought I'd run into more super glass-half-full folks, I didn't. The third meeting of my Human Services class was not as inspiring as the others, to say the least.
We began by talking about hope. To hope. My favorite infinitive. Hope. My favorite noun (besides "love" of course).
Then my professor asked a series of questions, "Can you change or help a murderer? Can you change a drug addict? Can you change a pedophile?"
To which I loudly responded, "Yes." Immediately I looked around at all the "No's". That was the rest of the class.
WHAT!? HELLO!? HUMAN SERVICES, THAT FIELD YOU'RE GOING TO ONE DAY BE WORKING IN? THE FIELD WHERE OUR VERY JOB IS TO HELP!
If you don't believe in change, how can you progress? If you can't see the better in a person, how can you help them? What's the point?
I didn't let this keep me down for too long. In fact, I realized that this hope I have is so valuable, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
My favorite poem:
Can you guess who it's from?
Who am I, By Jason Mraz
I am not my face. I am not my hair.
I am not my family. I am not my care.
I am not my upbringing. I am not my mole.
I am not my receding gum. I am not my cold.
I am not my money. And I’m not my fame.
I’m not my hat. I’m not even my name.
I’m just an idea that happened upon love. I am that I am and that I am is enough.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Grocery Listed Week Setup.
The moment I had waited for brought on by the word: Cranium.
A realization hidden deep within uprooted.
Is your daughter Liv Tyler?
Astronomical objects up the wazoo!
11pm-5am.
A bee!?
Work sucks.
You spilled your coffee, and I spilled yours. How adorable.
That gaze. That mind. Those arms. THAT HAIR.
60-unit ambitions.
"When was the last time you...?"
"Last night."
"This afternoon."
"Sometime last week?"
Masked and naked.
Jenna. Need I say more?
And finally...school playgrounds.
Too bad this week had to come to an end and school is starting soon.
Say what you need to say. -John Mayer.
A realization hidden deep within uprooted.
Is your daughter Liv Tyler?
Astronomical objects up the wazoo!
11pm-5am.
A bee!?
Work sucks.
You spilled your coffee, and I spilled yours. How adorable.
That gaze. That mind. Those arms. THAT HAIR.
60-unit ambitions.
"When was the last time you...?"
"Last night."
"This afternoon."
"Sometime last week?"
Masked and naked.
Jenna. Need I say more?
And finally...school playgrounds.
Too bad this week had to come to an end and school is starting soon.
Say what you need to say. -John Mayer.
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