It's Laundry Day.

I honestly shouldn't be writing right now when all my thoughts are jumbled, but I'm angry. I need to let it all out before I can find forgiveness.

A new development is clouding my charmed life. There is no way I could have escaped it without hurting someone. From the beginning, I explained my stance, leaving out one detail; the detail that I was not yet over him. I guess I should have said that, no matter how angry it would make you. But I was tired of you putting him down and building yourself up! It was annoying!

I specifically explained I did not want a relationship and that I was trying to tie off some loose ends. Therefore, I was vulnerable. Things were only worsened by the fact that you're effing FORWARD! In my vulnerability, I took your hand. And yours too. All that did was make things more confusing. The words, "stupid mistake" flew into my head. And yours too. I'm tired of stupid mistakes.

Now you're angry at me, but it's unfair and it makes me angry! I understand you're hurt, but you have no right to be pissed at me. We were friends before.

Hmmm...that sounds like another development working against my charmed life. I just need to cool off and move on. It's going to be hard and it's going to take time. I need to pray to forgive you. And you. And myself.

I wouldn't have been so angry if I had fed goats today.