Here's My Hand

If I were to see The Last Song a few months ago, I would have been insanely and bitterly critical of it, just like I was with other love stories written by Nicholas Sparks. I would laugh at the cheesy, unrealistic romance, and wonder about Nick’s sanity. However, in light of recent events, I find that I am now questioning my own sanity. Because of recent events, I find myself jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch, shouting at the top of my lungs. A few months ago, I’d probably vomit if I heard the things I’ve been saying lately. If someone told me that in a short time, I would fall completely in love with someone, I’d laugh at them. If someone said I’d find the abstract puzzle piece that fits with my complex heart, I’d tell them to lay of the drugs.
As I reflect on the recent occurrences that abruptly changed my stubborn frame of mind, I felt the need to write a story; my story. I want everyone to feel what I’m feeling. I want to try my hand at writing a romance novel like Nicholas Sparks. So I’ll start from the beginning and make this as detailed as I can because that vomit-feeling doesn’t last forever. It soon becomes this flying feeling.
To adequately describe the odd timing of it all, I have to delve into my past for a bit, bare with me. There are two past relationships that really stand out among the rest. I have the longest-one-to-date relationship, and the one that broke me. My longest relationship, a year of my life, took place when I was sixteen. It was the first time a boy I really liked, liked me back. My next relationship ended messy. After that break up, and after waiting for him turned out to be a waste of time, I vowed to myself that I was not suited for a relationship. I became perfectly content with being alone. I answered to no one but myself. I went on a few awkward dates and had a crush or two, but I pursued nothing. I didn’t want to! I reverted to my “shave-my-head-and-join-the-Peace-Corps” mentality, and I was perfectly fine with that. I took the time to focus on work and school and not stupid, impulsive boys.
Months prior, a Drew Craw added me on Facebook. He’s an attractive fellow hailing from Redlands, California and I had no idea who he was. We had several mutual friends and the majority of them attended my church, so I figured that I knew him. Thinking nothing of it, I confirmed him as a friend and went on with my dramatic, loveless life. I feel like at this time I was still trying to convince my ex we were right for each other. Or I was starting my anti-relationship phase. Either way, I was in no mood for other boys.
Months later, while I was enjoying my independence, I saw that the mysterious Drew had quoted Lord of the Rings on his Facebook status. Being the fanatic I am, I had to “like” it, or finish the quote, or talk about how much I loved Lord of the Rings. I did. Quite sometime later, maybe a few weeks later, he wrote on my wall: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee, have you been eavesdropping?!
To which I responded: No sir, I ain’t been dropping no eaves sir, honest!
Please make note that he called me Samwise Gamgee (my most beloved literary character ever). After that, we both gushed about Lord of the Rings on each others’ walls and I was excited to have someone appreciate it as much as I do. After numerous wall posts, our communication front changed to messages. And our conversation topic changed from Lord of the Rings to personal information; school, major, work, etc. I found out that had had joined the army and he found out that I work at Disneyland. He seemed excited that I worked there, so I nicely said, “Let me know if you ever want to go and I’ll let you in,” since it had been years since he’d last gone. He responded with, “Are you inviting me to go to Disneyland with you?” Now, on the inside, I was saying, “No, that would be awkward, we’ve never officially met. Don’t hang out with him, Katie. You don’t need this,” and the like. To be polite, I said something like, “Yeah, or you know, if you want to go with your friends, I can just let you in…” He sweetly replied with, “Why wouldn’t I want to go to Disneyland with you?” That might have been the first hook.
At this point, he and I were texting back and forth constantly and he eventually asked, “Hey, so when are we going to Disneyland?!” I, thinking he was kidding, shot “Friday, April 2nd” out of my ass to be funny as well. Turns out, he wasn’t kidding and final plans were made. Drew and I were going to have our first official meeting at Disneyland. He called me for the first time to thank me and I legitimately freaked out (that’s another story). The week of our official meeting, I was getting excited! I felt the need to plan every little thing: my hair, my outfit, my makeup, funny jokes, and conversation topics. Why did I care so much? Why was I really looking forward to hanging out with him? I felt a little more mentally sound when he told me that he was excited as well. He was counting down the days, and repeatedly told me how stoked he was to get to go to Disneyland and finally meet me.
Friday, April 2nd came and I remember it all so well. He pulled up to my dorm in a silver Ford and I climbed in. This tall, tan boy with bright green eyes grabbed my hand and introduced himself.
“Hi, I’m Drew.”
He was wearing a sweet leather jacket, a Beatles shirt, jeans, and cowboy boots. He looked so cool. Unnecessary side note: My friend Nick refers to Drew as “Mr. Urban Outfitters”.
From the moment I got into his dad’s truck to our goodbye, we talked. We talked about everything; we shared many likes and hobbies, and made fun of the things we don’t like. Bonus fact: Drew likes Miley Cyrus.
Several times throughout the day, our hands would accidentally hit; that’s how close we stood next to each other.
While watching the fireworks, I went to point at something, but my ring flew off and landed in the pond of Pixie Hollow. I was hoping he didn’t notice because that was super embarrassing, but he saw. He reached his arm through the gate to retrieve it, but he couldn’t reach. He offered to go over the fence and get it, but I refused to have him hop into the “Fairy Connection” pond as he mistakenly called it. Not listening to a word I said, he hopped over, grabbed my ring, and then nonchalantly climbed back over. “That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me,” I thought.
Then it was time to leave the magical land of Disney, and we caught the Toy Story bus back to the parking lots. When our stop at Buzz came around, Drew and I forgot to get off and the old bus driver started taking us back to the park. Before we could even say anything, the man began singing “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis quite loudly. He didn’t realize Drew and I were in there until we laughed at our ridiculous circumstance.
Once we finally disembarked the Toy Story bus and left the old man to his one-act Broadway musical, we made the journey to his truck. And when we arrived, Drew gave me a blanket to warm me up and held my hand. After our amazing day at Disneyland, we went to get breakfast at IHOP. When we finished our meals (I got eggs, bacon, and hash browns; Drew ordered the New York cheesecake pancakes), he grabbed my hand and said, “When am I going to see you again?” My heart leapt.
He saw me again on Saturday at his Deployment party. I met his family and friends, and even reconnected with some mutual friends we have. At the end of the night (early morning actually), everyone left and Drew and I went to IHOP yet again. And yet again, he asked, “When am I going to see you next?” This time I had no idea, since my work and school schedule was so insanely compacted. But I promised him I would make time since he would be leaving next weekend for basic. Before I left, he gave me his jacket to keep.
The next day, I had plans to visit with a friend (and ex). Since it was near home, I also made plans to see Drew afterward. This casual meeting with my ex turned into a big to-do when he said he was still in love with me (again) and I told him I was starting to have feelings for Drew. I ended up in tears and convinced that I was supposed to be single. I left my ex in Riverside and made my way to downtown Redlands where I was supposed to meet Drew. As soon as he greeted me, he took my hand and we began walking. I told him about my day and very quickly it all disappeared. It was just Drew and I, walking around downtown Redlands in the rain. We sat on a bench and he wrapped us in “our” blanket previously located in his truck. That night, he told me that he liked me, but he really didn’t have to. Our connection was so natural that nothing was awkward or forced. We laughed about the odd timing of it all and how we’d both met someone for us, but he had to leave soon. I also had to laugh that he completely changed my mind about, boys, relationships, and ultimately love.
We saw each other a week later for a big beach trip his friends had planned. It was too cold to go swimming, but we all played outlandish games and enjoyed a bonfire. Later that night (or early that morning), I had to be at the twenty-four hour Relay for Life on my campus. Drew said he’d do it with me, so when our beach day had come to a conclusion, we made our way to Fullerton. We agreed to sleep a little before running since we were both exhausted. That didn’t happen. We talked. We talked, and then shared our first kiss. That too felt natural and wasn’t awkward at all. “I feel like I just flew to Jupiter and back,” he said.
“That’s weird. I went to Pluto. So...”
Ultimately, we missed the opportunity to go to the relay, so we just got ready and went to his church.
He visited me in Fullerton spontaneously the next evening (Monday).
Wednesday night. I’m on duty and I was in a murder mystery. At the murder mystery, a tarot card reader came. For funsies, I sat at her table and listened to her words. She asked, “Are you in a relationship?”
“I’m in a…something.”
“Okay, well you need to hang on to that. It’s very positive, and I see a lot of love and support.”
That secretly added more “pep to my step” as Jenna Lowery says. The pep, however, was soon harpooned when I received a phone call. It was from a mutual friend of mine and Drew’s, who happens to be an ex-fling-thingy of his. She was with Drew’s most recent ex and they called to warn me about him. They called to tell me he’s a player, a cheater, and that he has a sly way with words. Even though I refused to believe this before I talked to Drew, I cried. I mean, if what they were saying was true, then I was falling for the wrong guy. “That’d be just my luck,” I thought. At that very moment, he texted me: What are you up to?
I responded with a simple, “Drew…”
“Yes?”
“Are you an honest panda?”
“Yes. Why???”
“I’ll take your word for it.” And I meant it.
“Katie, what’s going on???”
“We’re seeing each other tomorrow; we can talk about it then? Or I can call?”
He called immediately after I texted that. I vaguely explained to him that I heard some things about him that I didn’t want lingering in the back of my mind. He began panicking and told me he’d be coming down to Fullerton so we could talk. He drove all the way (again) from Redlands to Fullerton. I explained what had happened in a little more detail and he told me his side of the story. Like I said to him before, I took his word for it. He was astonished by my trust and acceptance. He cried and told me that he was afraid he was going to lose me that night; he wasn’t sure if I’d believe him. That night our bond grew deeper. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes.
Wait, what? I said yes to be someone’s girlfriend? I didn’t want to be anyone’s anything not four weeks ago. This change came hard and fast, but it felt right. Our every interaction was kind of creepy in a sense. It’s like he could recite my intangible “what I need/want in a significant other” list or read my mind. This still floors me.
We saw each other again Thursday night. That night we were lying down and talking when the girl above me turned on “Wonderwall” by Oasis.
“Katie, I need to tell you something…” He leaned into my ear for what felt like a minute, took a deep breath, and said, “…I love you.” He then explained that on his way to Fullerton, he was rather upset. He had more encounters that day with people talking behind his back regarding his relationships. While driving with a heavy heart, “Wonderwall” came on. He said he thought of me when they sang, “Maybe you’re gonna be the one to save me” and nothing else seemed to matter. So when “Wonderwall” played loudly right above us, he took that as a sign; just another insane connection between the two of us. I said it back.
Saturday, the day before he had to leave for basic in South Carolina, I came to his house to help him pack. He could pack few things, but he did take his bible, and on the inside, he taped my picture. Side note: he took another picture of me and will be putting that in his helmet. Aw.
I also took him home to meet my mam (yes, mam; not mom). Unfortunately I had work so I had to leave, but we made plans to eat at IHOP afterward (1:15AM, mind you).
Sunday morning, he returned home early to finish packing and I met him later for a final lunch with him, his family, and his friends. Drew couldn’t stay for long since he still had to finish packing, so we left for his house to do so. Then when it was time for him to leave, we said our first of many goodbyes. Similar to the many endings in the Return of the King movie, we had several goodbyes. He texted and called a few times since then for as long as he could. He even contacted me when he couldn’t anymore. I hope he doesn’t get in trouble.
Now he’s at boot camp in South Carolina and will be there for nine weeks. He’s flying me out for his graduation, so that is when I’ll get to see him again. After that he has advanced individual training in Alabama, and that’s going to be about nine months long. Luckily, he gets to come home for Christmas though. In this time, he won’t have his cell phone or a laptop, so we have to resort to writing letters. I made it a goal of mine to become an excellent scrapbook creator by the end of it all.
I understand that this all sounds so crazy and that it doesn’t make any sense, but there it is. It’s nuts how one month can change everything. It’s nuts how fast and hard I fell for him. It’s nuts that he feels the same way. It’s nuts that he’s going to be gone for so long when we had so little time together. It’s absolutely mental how many connections we were able to make. It’s insane how natural and right it feels to be with him. I’ve never felt this way before. That has to mean something. I’m confident in this thing that doesn’t make sense.
You can call me stupid or wrong, but I know how I feel. The “unrealistic” love stories of Nicholas Sparks aren’t unrealistic to me anymore. I’m in love.