I'm Irrational; Punch me in the Throat!

Right now I should either be sleepily driving home from work or I should be at work, yelling at the graduates of 2010.

Instead I'm at home, finding it difficult to sleep. Is this where I'm at now? Do I have to be exhausted from work in order to sleep? Does it have to be a ridiculous hour? I mean, it's 4 in the morning now. Is that not early enough?

I suppose not. I suppose every night I try to fall asleep, my mind will wander. My eyes will stare at the black. My arms and legs will flail to keep away my stupid cat. And then, there's this lump in my throat. And a hole in my chest.

I never knew what it meant to give away my heart until now. My heart is with a boy 3,000 miles away...I'm not whole. And that's the hole in my chest.

I wish my body would try and compensate! If I have a hole in my chest, can't I use that lump in my throat to temporarily plug it up? No?

He says things are going to get easier; I hope he's right. But if these past 3 months were tough, what will 9 months mean? A year?

In the midst of my not sleeping, I texted Drew's mom. I needed someone to talk to; someone that would understand (mind you, this was 3 AM). I was relieved to hear back from her right away, but I feel a little bad considering the time. She reminded me that we're going to see him soon and that he misses me too.

"Chin up," Drew and I say to each other. And that's all I can do. Keeping myself busy and working crazy hours won't cut it forever.