Can I just quit school and work at Disneyland for the rest of my life? Please?

Mark Twain.

"Don't ever let school get in the way of your education."

That's all it's about anymore. They're shoving information in our mouths so that we can vomit it all up on tests and hope for a passing grade. The more tests we pass, the better our grades, the sooner we can graduate. Once we graduate with our degrees, we become more marketable in terms of jobs. It's all about making those six figures and accumulating a 401K. It's not about learning something new or becoming a respectable, knowledgeable citizen.

Pressure has been placed upon me to suck in and shit out everything. I want to take in this life for what it really is and not have to take your stupid tests that will be irrelevant a few years from now.

I don't want to be trained to hold a boring, repetitive, ordinary, run-of-the-mill, meaningless job just so I can buy a dream home. I don't even have said 'dream home'! All I really need is somewhere to sleep, something to eat, and people to love.

I haven't really decided what I want to do when I get older, but I do know it's going to be different. And it won't require taking tests to prove myself. I'm going to prove myself to you through my character.

It shouldn't be this stressful, should it? Learning is fun, not taxing. So why then, am I drowning? Can someone explain this to me?

Please also explain why I can never make delicious and decent-looking pancakes.

Curiouser and Curiouser.

I don't really know where to begin because I don't know where it all began. This need for freedom, rebellion, and out-of-the-ordinary isn't new to my character, but it seems to be new to everyone else. You all may find it so intriguing, but I find that to be silly. I don't know how to tell you this, but I don't like routine. I fear the known, not the unknown. Make me uncomfortable. Let me shake things. Understand that I want to tie the loose ends and start another winter scarf. Realize that I can't stand to settle. Know that I have priorities and dreams that are constantly changing. You can relax though; I'm slow. Actually, forget it...it should be illegal how fickle I am. I can't sit still too long. I'm naive.

The roles have always been reversed. The cliche tale of the needy woman who wants a guy that can't be tied down is not familiar to me. I like this state of deviation. I want to find my own path without the crutch. That's what relationships are to me right now. They're crutches and I walk fine on my own. Not to mention dating is scary. There, I said it. It is! It's scary! And now I sound like a walking contradiction. "I fear the known, but dating is scary!" I'm afraid of where it could go. I don't want to fall. I don't want to hurt you when I change my mind, or the elusive one comes knockin', ya know?

I don't want anything too serious. I want to take it slow. I might not want to be exclusive. I want nothing to hurt when I change my fickle mind for the umpteenth time. I want you to follow me where I want you to follow me, but I want you to stay where you need to stay. I can pay for my own food and open my own doors in a sense.

Where was all of this years ago? The attention? The compliments? The offers? Wait, I just had a revelation. If it was there before, I would've made a mistake, I just know it. That selfish time-to-myself sabbatical is what I needed in order to realize what I need. Which is more time. More selfish "me" time.

To the one who is unlike all the rest: You are a breath of fresh air even though I can't quite breathe you in. I would like to try though.

To the ones who are still hanging on to this tug-of-war rope: I can't snip you, nor do I even know if I want to. I can't ask you to keep gripping though. Good luck to you, ol' chaps.

To the casual date: Don't expect anything from me, even though I can't say no. I wish I could tell you how much of a mess I am and all of these bitterly honest words.

To the ones I am generally not interested in whatsoever: Just stop. Sometimes it's flattering, but mostly it's repetitive and I don't like routine, remember?

To the one I have yet to meet: I can't tell you anything due to the fact that I change my mind a great deal.

"It's been a long time since before I've been touched. Now I'm getting touched all the time. And it's only a matter of who, and it's only a matter of when."
-Regina Spektor

And John Mayer sings it perfectly with his song "Perfectly Lonely"

Nothing to do
Nowhere to be
A simple little a kind of free
Nothing to do
No one but me
That's is all I need

I'm perfectly lonely
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
And nobody belongs to me

And this is not to say
There never comes a day
I take my chances and start again
And when I look behind
On all my younger times
I have to thank the wrongs
That led me to a love so strong

That's the way that I want it.

You Can't Complain

that you're sleepy until you've worked over 20 hours a week with shifts ending at 3am, and then you have to get up early for your other job.

Only then can you complain.

"Happiness is a luxury."

This is a Story That Won't be Told

I have the feeling that I'm wasting my thoughts on you. It seems I'm wasting useless emotions, countless dreams, and even more daydreams on you. And I'm over-analyzing the hugs, the snubs, the comments, the...every little thing!

And all of that combined is driving me insane. I still can't tell if this is all worth it or not.

Why should it even matter? Why is this my main focus?

And if I was wrong about you, or I misjudged everything, would that even matter? Would I ever get anything in return for what I can offer up to you?

I hope you enjoy your solitude, your selfish escape into your secret world, your built-up walls, your mystery, your education, your gigantic meals, your research, your leisure reading, your paper-writing, your Disney-bashing, your debating, your quiet life.

Because I might just remove myself from this game; it seems pointless. Although, I sometimes enjoy playing...and proving people wrong!

Maybe I'm Overreacting?

To the Person who has taken my French Vanilla coffee,

First of all, congratulations! I hope you really enjoy your new bag of ground coffee, and hopefully this is your favorite flavor! Now you will not only taste quality coffee, but you will be awake and zippy right after your first cup.

You probably noticed that I purchased this coffee from Disneyland, so know that this product is going to be worth-while. Also remember that it was quite a hefty price, at least for me. You’re going to look so cute when you show your friends your new ground coffee named, “Mickey’s Coffee”. And how can you not smile when you look at the smiling face of that Disney cartoon cow, offering you a delicious cup of warm coffee?

Now, in order to make that coffee, you’re going to need to use a coffee-maker, and don’t you worry, I have one! Don’t forget to put a new liner in the top, so that you can add your spoonful of French Vanilla coffee; I also have provided some liners. All you have to do is add some water to the top, and plug her in! In seconds, you will have freshly brewed wonder. Be careful when pouring out your coffee, as it will be pretty darn hot!

I just know you’re going to be so happy with your new ground coffee! And you’re going to be so bubbly from the delectable caffeine that the people around you will catch it! I just wish I could be your friend, so you could pour me a cup of it! Thanks for all of the inspiring that you’re about to do!

Yours in morning routine trust,

Katie Egan

Before it's too late,

Make amends. Before it's too late, rethink the way you think about others. You, your brothers, your sisters, you closest friends are going to always make choices, for better or worse. And don't be afraid when someone close to you does something considered wrong by you. Maybe there's a deeper cry for help that your blind judgment prevents you from seeing.

Perhaps they do something against your or their religion/morals. Are we going to use that as grounds for disowning them and being angry with them? I don't think that's what our morals ask of us. Maybe instead of condemning them, we can question our standard of ethics. When we mess up, would we want to be excommunicated by the people we though accepted us?

I heard a story of a girl who had a friend who wasn't the coolest girl in school. Her friend ended up committing suicide, and this girl hated her because committing suicide was looked upon as wrong by her religion (She was a baptist Christian). Her quick anger against suicide made her hate someone. My religion and my morals are strongly against hate. She's a Christian, I hope she'd agree. Ten years later, she had a dream of the incident that she refused to speak of. She accepted it, understood the circumstance, and had regret.

So before we send our mistake-making friends into exile, we should remember that we too make mistakes and that no one is apt to perfect behavior. We can't fix them to our liking, but we can love them nonetheless. Before it's too late, take back your ill-regard and replace it with acceptance.

No one ever appointed us with the correct view; therefore we cannot make judgment.

C'mon, brothers and sisters, love with me.

Katie Angry.

I just watched a documentary called Terror in Mumbai. It was about a terrorist group from Pakistan who committed several attacks on the people of India. These terrorists, lead under distorted and disturbed Muslims, believe that killing people, and then being killed whilst doing your job is the way to Heaven (at least that's what they brainwashed their gunmen to believe). These gunman, coming from impoverished homes and having nothing to lose, went to training camps for a great deal of money. They were then brainwashed and trained to kill. In 2008, 10 gunmen, armed with AK47's and grenades, injured and murdered several hundred human beings, of all different races and religions. This was the biggest terrorist attack since 9/11. And do you want to know something else? The masterminds behind all of this have not yet been identified. Their last words were, "That was the trailer. The main film is yet to come."

Why doesn't the world know about this? I don't recall any footage or any reports on this matter. This convinces me that there is so much more we don't know. If it's not on our soil, we tend to turn the other way. We tend to turn our backs on OUR OWN kind. But then again, what can we do? How can we educate the poor, lower-class individuals who might fall into such violent jobs? How can we teach them that God does not want killing and suicide?

And how can we teach the incorrect, judgmental "Christians" who carry their "God hates Haiti" signs and shout at people outside abortion clinics? What makes them Christian if they are not even Christ-like? What makes them Christian if they greatly mistake God's character. For in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus plainly says to love. Love your God. Love your neighbor as yourself. Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Love. Jesus also tells us not to judge, for we will be judged in the same way we judge others, and with the exact degree in which we judge them.

If thinking of the world just brings me to my knees in distraught, how does it make God, the Father, feel? I just don't understand what He's waiting for, and won't until my dying day.

And until my dying day, I will commit myself to loving everyone, everywhere, even if it means my death. I cannot sit here and watch (or be unaware of) the atrocities that happen daily. Though I have lost faith in the world, I will not stop loving it. As Samwise Gamgee says, "There's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for."